Thursday, September 4, 2008

The 1950’s house wife

Yesterday, in my September update I alluded to the fact that many people gave us generous checks for our July marriage (Yeah!!!). The problem was that people tended to write the checks out to both of us. This, given that we just got married, seems appropriate.

However, we didn’t have a joint account in which to deposit checks written to a married couple. Uhggg- another account, we thought. So, we decided to add me to my husband’s free checking account which is at a nearby bank.

We sat down with a male associate, who I’ll call Mr. BankTellerMan, who took us through the process of changing a single account into a joint one. I was seated directly across from Mr. BankTellerMan and my husband sat to my left, farthest away from Mr. BankTellerMan. It took a minute or two, but Mr. BankTellerMan seemed to be talking only to my husband.

No, I thought, I’m imagining this.

Then came the phrase, “So now have your wife sign her name to add her as a secondary on the account.” Which was said- and I’m not joking here- directly to my husband!

Mr. BankTellerMan AKA big-fat-sexist!

Mr. BankTellerMan then started in on his sales pitch for the bank’s pathetically low “high” interest savings account. A rate which ING Direct could eat for breakfast and still be hungry. This whole pitch was delivered catty-corner across the table directed at my husband.

Not one nod, not one moment of eye contact from Mr. BankTellerMan to me, the 1950’s housewife.

I could have taken off my top and danced on the chair like Tom Cruise, and he wouldn’t have noticed.

Finally, I had to say something- I mean this was getting just plain awkward.

“So what is your current money-market rate?” I said, trying to be included in the conversation.
Mr. BankTellerMan looked caught off-guard. He looked at me in a manner that conveyed: the boobs can speak?

He bumbled, something to the effect that it changes everyday…blah, blah, blah.

This comment yielded no appreciable difference in Mr. BankTellerMan’s behavior.

The icing on the cake was when Mr. BankTellerMan’s sales pitch ended and my husband needed to make a decision about this "high" interest savings account.
My husband simply said, “My wife handles all the investments.”

The look on Mr. BankTellerMan’s face: priceless.


Erica Douglass said...

Nice! Love this post. I have had to deal with those types in my last business as well. (Hello, I'm the CEO. Not the employee.)

It's especially bad when they've come from a culture where women don't typically handle any decisions.

I find it's usually best to cut them off at the pass before they get too deep in the conversation. You definitely did the right thing.

Anonymous said...

Good grief!

I also hate when I go in by myself and they talk down to me, as if I don't understand the simple financial products they are pushing on me.

Matt @ Steadfast Finances said...

That would have went over so well with my girlfriend and I. Although, I'm pretty sure she would be "roasting his chestnuts" on the proverbial fire.

Nice post.

Funny about Money said...

LOL! There's a simple way to deal with this: take your business elsewhere.

Thrifty Girl said...

I will retell this story to all my girlfriends! Thanks for sharing.

Monroe on a budget said...

I ran into a similar situation in the 1980s.

I would not have expected something like that today.

Anonymous said...

As a stay at home mom most of life I can sympathize with you. THe main problem was you should have closed out the account and opened a "joint" account. Then you would both be "equal" as far as the bank was concerned. You could both sign on the account, take out money, etc. But you wanted to just add your name to his account, which makes you a "secondary" on HIS account. It is still "his" account, you just have the authority (given by the primary, your husband) to access the account. I was a "secondary" on a credit card that my husband was the "primary". I used the credit card in Las Vegas, and they actually called up my husband to verify that he "ok'd" the transaction. I was flabbergasted. I then investigated and found out it was "his" card. (It's like you giving your child a credit card, or putting them on "your" checking account.) You need to close that one out. I'm sure you will still get free checks with your new "joint" account. What you have is not a "joint" account and that is why he ignored you.

Anonymous said...

so you see, legally, it is only your husband's checking account. You did not get a "joint" checking account. The bank recognized that account as your husband, and only the legal owner of the account(your husband) can add you to it. So he spoke only to your husband, "have your wife sign here to add her to your account". See, your husband had to sign you up to join in "his" account. It has to do with who legally is responsible for the account - your husband. I really don't think it was sexist, you asked to add your name to your husband's account. It is still y our husband's account. And your husbandd can go into the bank and "take your name off" any time he wants to. Again, close that one and get a "real" joint account together.

Anonymous said...

Great post, but you're wrong if you think that behavior is limited to men.

When my wife and I got married 6 years ago, we picked a bank to open a joint account. The associate at the bank ignored my wife so thoroughly and obviously, I was totally embarassed and she was steaming. Any attempt my wife or I made to make the conversation three-way, the Associate deliberately or obliviously deflected.

When I stopped and asked my wife, who is in the financial services industry, 'maybe we should rethink this', the associate seemed confused. My wife, however, wanted that bank's high interest so she said we should continue.

This associate was an otherwise professional and clearly capable woman. No male chauvinist there. Can you be a female chauvinist?

Thanks for your post. Great blog.

Tarraguña said...

Your husband sound like a keeper. :) It is hard to beleive that there are male chauvinists and female chauvinists still out there. I mean don't they feel silly, outdated, old?

MoneyBeagle said...

Wow, it's hard to believe that this still goes on in this day in age. It's funny because my wife and I have a joint checking account, so when we go out to eat, it doesn't matter really who 'pays' for dinner. Still, she'll use her card sometimes, and there's been more than one or two times when the server comes back and hands the check to me to sign. Unreal!

Anonymous said...

actually once you add a "secondary person" onto an account, it BECOMES a joint account...

Anonymous said...

This is what I do when I don't like the service I'm getting (whether in person or over the phone with a call center half-wit): I realize that NOTHING, absolutely nothing, is worth allowing patronizing behavior. I say, "Well, I'm going to start over with another representative. I don't like working with people who aren't competent." And then I leave or hang up and start over, as promised. I give them no time to answer to that. If the event occurs in person and they respond, I am completely oblivious to anything the person says and act as though he/she were not there. They become invisible and I move on with my life. I realized that my life is too precious to spend any unnecessary time with these games.

M in Brighton UK said...

zhlpyeah banks (restaurants / wherever) really really should get wise to the fact that its seriously OFTEN that the wife (or female partner) makes the financial decisions and manages the money. Most of the marriages and partnerships I know seem to have the women at the helm.

Anonymous said...

Armageddon Thru To You

If you've been wondering why it seems like the world around us is unraveling, it's because the last days as foretold in the bible are now upon us. Just as it was 2000 years ago, many were unable to discern the signs of Jesus Christ's first coming (Mat 16:3), as will many concerning his second coming, which will occur very soon. Yes many have proclaimed a similar sentiment many times in the past, but their errors have no bearing on today other than to lull you into spiritual apathy, and that too was prophesied to occur in the last days.

If you're not a believer in Jesus Christ because you're an atheist, consider that the underlying impetus for your disbelief is most likely borne of pride and here's why:

When we die, if you as an atheist were right, then there is no upside or downside for anyone regarding the afterlife. We will all simply cease to exist

However if we Christians were right about our belief in the afterlife, then we will be given eternal life and you as an atheist will receive eternal damnation

Given the choices, the position held by an atheist is a fools bet any way you look at it because the atheist has everything to lose and nothing to gain. It is tantamount to accepting a “heads I win, tails you lose” coin toss proposition from someone. And that someone by the way is Satan (see Ephesians 6:12).

The only way to explain the attitude held by an atheist is pride, pure and simple. The intellectually dishonest and/or tortured reasoning used by atheists to try and disprove the existence of God is nothing more than attempts to posture themselves as superior (a symptom of pride). And as anyone who has read their bible knows, this is precisely the character flaw that befell Lucifer, God's formerly most high angel. (Isaiah 14:12-15). Is it any wonder then why the bible is so replete with references to pride as the cause of mankind's downfall?

Pride permeates our lives and burdens us in ways that most of us seldom recognize. Ironically, pride is the one thing that can blind someone to things even the unsighted can see. And sadly pride will blind many with an otherwise good heart, to accepting the offer of eternal salvation that Christ bought and paid for with his life.

In any event, if you're an atheist, I wish you only the best for every day of the rest of your life because for you, this life is as close to heaven as you'll ever get, but for believers in Christ, this life is as close to hell as we'll ever get.

If you're not a believer and follower of Jesus Christ because you are of another faith, please take the time to very carefully compare your faith to Christianity and ask yourself, why is the bible the only religious book with both hundreds of proven prophecies already fulfilled as well as those being fulfilled today? No other religion can claim anything remotely close to this fact. Many Christians who are serious students of bible prophecy are already aware of the role and significance of bible prophecy in foretelling end time events. God gave us prophecy as evidence of his divine holiness to know the begining from the end (Isa 46:10). God also believed prophecy to be so important that to those willing to read the most prophetic book in the bible, the Book of Revelation, he promised a special blessing (see Rev 1:3), and this is the only book in the bible that God gives its reader a special blessing for reading. Something to think about.

Don't risk losing Christ's offer of eternal life by not accepting him as your savior and by thinking that the bible is nothing more than a compilation of unrelated and scattered stories about people who lived 2,000 plus years ago. If you take the time to study (not just read) the bible, you will literally be shocked to learn things you would have never imagined would be revealed in it. Did you know that like parables, God also uses particular months and days in the Jewish calendar, Jewish Feasts and customs, solar and lunar phases, celestial alignments, gematria (Hebrew numerology) early bible events and more as patterns and models to foretell future events?

Consider the following interesting facts about the bible that testify to its God-inspired authorship:

Did you know that in Gen 12:2, God said he would bless Israel?. How else can you explain the grossly disproportionate level of success achieved by Jewish people as a tiny minority in the world, especially after all they have gone through? And how can you explain the success achieved by the tiny nation of Israel, surrounded by enemies outnumbering them 100 to 1 and yet still they remain victorious in all their wars?

Did you know that as evidence to indicate that Israel is the epicenter of the world from God's point of view is the fact that languages to the west of Israel are written and read from left to right as if pointing to Israel, and languages from countries to the east of Israel are written and read from right to left, again as though pointing to Israel. Just a coincidence, you say? I think not.

Did you know that the six days of creation and seventh day of rest in Genesis is a model for the six thousand years of this age (ending very soon), that is to be followed by a 1,000 year millennial reign by Christ (see 2 Peter 3:8)? Adam was born sometime prior to 4000 B.C., therefore our 6000 years are almost up.

Did you kow that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is hidden in the meaning of the Hebrew names listed in the genealogy of the book of Genesis (Research it online)? To deny this was God-inspired, one has to instead believe that a group of Jewish rabbis conspired to hide the Christian Gospel right inside a genealogy of their venerated Torah, which is not a very plausible explanation.

Did you know that solar eclipses, which the bible describes as the sun being black as sackcloth, and lunar eclipses, which the bible refers to as blood red moons, have prophetic meaning? Research it online. God showed Adam (and us) his plan for man's redemption through the use of celestial alignments. (research Mazzaroth online)

Did you know that much of the symbolism in the book of revelation refers to planetary alignments that will occur when certain events occur as prophesied? These planetary alignments also explained the birth of Christ, just search out The Bethlehem Star movie on the Internet.

Did you know that the references in Eze 39:4-17 and Rev 19:17-21 in the battle of Gog/Magog and Armageddon respectively, in which birds of prey will eat the flesh of the dead in battle from two enormous wars is based on fact? The largest bird migration in the world consisting of bilions of birds (34 species of raptors and various carrion birds) from several continents converge and fly over Israel every spring and fall. Coincidence? I think not.

Did you know that Hebrew numerology, also known as Gematria, and the numbers with biblical and prophetic significance are hidden in the Star of David? Google the video called "Seal of Jesus Christ"

Did you know that the seven Churches mentioned at the beginning of the Book of Revelation describe the seven stages the Church will go through?

There are literally hundreds of hidden messages in the bible like these that testify to the fact that the bible was God inspired, and statistically speaking, are all exponentially beyond the likelihood of any coincidence. You can find them yourselves if you only take the time to look into it. Remember Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings".

And finally, if you are Catholic, or one who subscribes to the emergent Church or seeker-friendly Church movement, please compare the doctrine taught, advocated or accepted by your Church, with the actual bible, notwithstanding some new-age version of the bible. And remember that although the bible is often referred to as the living bible, the word "living" was never intended to imply in any way that the bible "evolves" over time to meet, or be consistent with, the standards of man. It's just the opposite.

Well, am I getting through to you? If not, the answer might be explained in the response given by Jesus Christ in his Olivet discourse when he was asked by his disciples why he spoke the way he did (in parables, etc.) in the book of Matthew 13:10-16. What Jesus said could have easily been paraphrased more clearly as "so that the damned won't get it". Why did Christ respond the way he did when asked why he spoke this way? Is there something about pride (the bible says there is) that closes one's heart to seeing or hearing the messages supernaturally hidden in bible parables, models, typologies, and similes, etc.? That should give you something to think about, but don't take too long. Time is now very short.

If it sometimes seems like there are powers at work behind the powers we know in this world, or sinful/evil influences in your life, remember what it says in Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." If you study the bible, it will become clearer.

Did you know that God said to those unwilling to love the words of his truth and be saved, he would send them a strong delusion so that they would believe a lie. See 2 Thesalonians 2:10-11. Have you considered what this strong delusion might be? (i.e., evolution, climate change, or ?)

Have you considered the following. With so many self-professed Christians in the world, how is it possible that the bible can state that so few would find the path to eternal life (See Mat 7:14)? The answer: many Christians who practice Christianity practice an apostate version of it, and will ultimately not be county worthy (Luke 21:36) to escape God's wrath.

And by the way, if you are a scoffer, this too was prophesied to occur in the last days. See 2 Peter 3:3.

Thank you and God Bless you! (at)